I wanted start by addressing a question that came up a couple times this week: What do we do about tantrums?!

My oldest came into the kitchen and exclaimed, “Anna is so messy! I’m so sick of having her stuff all over my side of the room! Her pajamas were on my bed!!”

Although the concept of giving kids a vision and a plan can sound a bit abstract, it can be quite simple to put into action if you take the time to prepare for it.  

“Can you help us come up with better consequences? None of our consequences are working.” I am asked some variation of this question quite often by parents, and it makes me feel a little sad every time.

The whole family was at BBC lighting, for what seemed like a million years, buying a dozen random things to upgrade our lighting fixtures and ceiling fans.

It was a Friday morning, almost 8:25. The older two had left for school an hour earlier, and my twins had been ready to go since 8:00. Our cleaning person was scheduled to come that day, so the twins had been in the playroom since about 8:00, tasked with cleaning up the expansive magnatile village they’d built and was covering nearly every bit of floor throughout the entire playroom.

Our kids will have problems. It’s an inevitable part of life. And, although it’s not easy to watch our kids go through problems, it’s actually such a blessing. If our kids can work through their problems now, when they are little and their problems are often little, as well, they’ll be developing skills and confidence that will help them all their lives.

I’m going to give you all permission to calm down about "homeschooling" your kids. The reason I think you may need this is because I did. I had a thought earlier today that helped me put things more in perspective.

If your kids are already contributing to the household, that’s great! If they could do more, consider adding in a few new things for them to do. Here’s a list of ideas of age appropriate contributions. If you haven’t been having your kids help around the house, now is a great time to start!

I remember when my kids were little it took so much longer to have them help me empty the dishwasher or sweep the floor than if I’d just have done it myself.  But, I had read how important it was for kids to do chores, so (most of the time) I took the time to have them help me.

Parents often ask how to introduce allowance to their kids if they’re not linking it to chores. It’s hard for parents to wrap their mind around “just giving their kids money for nothing.” I understand that. And, as I said last time, I definitely think kids should be contributing to the household. I just don’t think the kids should get paid for doing this work.

First of all, let me explain the elephant in the room…elephant in the title… is that an expression?

It's not a new analogy, but it's one that helped me a lot when my kids were really young, and it's one of which I still need to be reminded.  I thought it might be helpful to spend a moment thinking about it now, as summer gets into full swing and many of our kids are around more.

Now that you’re starting to have the empathetic statement you memorized on the tip or your tongue, I’m sure setting limits and delivering consequences is getting easier overall.

If you missed the last post on the importance of empathy, "Empathy helps our kids place the blame where it belongs," read it first.

Last time we discussed how it’s important to let our kids make smaller mistakes and suffer the consequences of them when they’re young so they can avoid bigger mistakes (with bigger consequences) when they’re older.

My oldest was only a few months old when I first saw a talk by Charles Fay (the son of a founder of Love and Logic). I sneaked out between nursings, because I’d recently read a Love and Logic book and thought they might be on to something.

A couple nights of less than ideal sleep will always throw me off my game. I had a morning like that today. And, of course, the times when we’re off our game is often the times our kids are really… well, “on their games.”